he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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