either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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