I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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