So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
