I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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