pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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