Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you're hired as official boob wrangler
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
