People with herpes should wear stickers.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
