I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
