Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
