My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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