don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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