Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
