My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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