you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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