I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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