May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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