thus making me awesome and them whores
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
