He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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