Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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