Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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