i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
