Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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