I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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