I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
