so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
