I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
