We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
