eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
