cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
