It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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