lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
