I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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