Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize