i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am spending my child support on dildos
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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