So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
