I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
