I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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