the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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