you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize