I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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