I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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