Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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