garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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