listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
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after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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