uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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