I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
