onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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