Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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