Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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